I am the one responsible for my mom. I must make the best decisions on her behalf. Last Saturday, I needed to move her for the third time. Moving someone you love three times in three years just plan sucks!
The first move was over three years ago from her condo to an assisted living community. I moved her in and told my mom this was her new home. She just cried and begged me to let her go back to her condo. It was brutal and heart-wrenching. She never did adjust. She went into depression. She kept her blinds closed. She would not eat with other residents. She was not eating much at all. Caregivers would bring her food. However, nobody was monitoring how much she was eating. She was losing weight. I thought she simply wanted to die and she was hastening the process. She was placed on hospice. She began falling. The staff did not always know how long she was lying on the floor. This was not necessarily the fault of the care community. They are not staffed to give this much attention to one resident. My mom was also becoming incontinent. The medical needs were rising for my mom. The assisted living center was not able to care for her escalating needs. I made the decision to place her in adult foster care.
The adult foster care home was a good choice. I knew her money would run out in a few years. She was in spend down mode as soon as she left the condo. The adult foster care owner assured me she would keep her if she needed to move to Medicaid after paying private care for two years. The day I moved her, she cried and begged me not to go. Another brutal and heart-wrenching day. She became aggressive with her caregiver. She did not adjust well. However, she would come to the table with other residents and eat. She gained some weight and went off hospice. Her health became stable even though her mind continued to deteriorate. She did adjust and was very stable for the last few years. She could not remember if I visited, yet she could still recognize me.
Well, the two years have passed, and her money ran out. She receives about $3,000 monthly from her pension and social security. The adult foster home owner did not honor her word. I was forced to find an option. I did not want to deal with Medicaid, and with the amount she received, I found another foster home that would agree to the payment of $3,000. I am personally picking up the extra costs of insurance, taxes, pharmacy and medical supplies. My siblings said they would help. I had to move my mom again. Another brutal and heart-wrenching day. I don’t think either one of us can take another move. I am praying this is the last move. I am extremely grateful to her new caregiver. My mom can be a little challenging at times. I am praying she can pass in peace. I try to create peace every day through my mediation firm and businesses. Last Saturday, after moving my mom, I was at peace with the decision, it was necessary, but was heart-broken for my mom. If you were ever forced to move a loved one, I understand both the process and the pain. Shalom.